“If that’s love, I’ll take lust”, I said to you as we walked down the empty hallway.
We were just two kids from different flavours of the same situation and somehow that made it all right to admit that. We were just two kids with so many memories we were too scared to share that they burst out of our mouths, a waterfall of weighted confessions. Little details no one else could ever know.
We were just two kids trying to make sense of the bursting words and slamming doors and come out of it all with our heads above the water. We didn’t know what we wanted but it sure as hell wasn’t the kind of love we’d grown accustomed too.
And now, a paraphrase from The Perks of Being a Wallflower- ‘We accept the kind of love we think we deserve’. If that’s true, you’re much too good for me. I’ve got issues in a knot in the bottom of my stomach and I desperately want but won’t let in help.
And now, a confession about that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you when you asked what I was most afraid of:
The only thing that scares me more than staying with someone who hurts me is that I can trick myself into thinking I deserve it. And, honestly, if you were to hit me, I’d never leave you. And I’m scared.