“If that’s love, I’ll take lust”, I said to you as we walked down the empty hallway.

We were just two kids from different flavours of the same situation and somehow that made it all right to admit that. We were just two kids with so many memories we were too scared to share that they burst out of our mouths, a waterfall of weighted confessions. Little details no one else could ever know.

We were just two kids trying to make sense of the bursting words and slamming doors and come out of it all with our heads above the water. We didn’t know what we wanted but it sure as hell wasn’t the kind of love we’d grown accustomed too.

And now, a paraphrase from The Perks of Being a Wallflower- ‘We accept the kind of love we think we deserve’. If that’s true, you’re much too good for me. I’ve got issues in a knot in the bottom of my stomach and I desperately want but won’t let in help.

And now, a confession about that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you when you asked what I was most afraid of:

The only thing that scares me more than staying with someone who hurts me is that I can trick myself into thinking I deserve it. And, honestly, if you were to hit me, I’d never leave you. And I’m scared.

To Jacob

About thesarahsector

A teenage girl who doesn't say OMG or LOL. I like Trader Joes scones, NYC, and writing. Check out my blog at:
Aside | This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Confessions

  1. beckyj1 says:

    You have a solid perspective. I hate seeing people scared, lonely, and in pain. Everyone deserves to feel loved but some people never get the chance to see what real love looks like. Life is screwed up and shouldn’t be allowed to dictate the meaning of words like love, hope, and family. Don’t sell yourself short. As a person who has spent time at the bottom of the proverbial well, trust me, you’re worth more that you feel like sometimes.

  2. journeyman1977 says:

    Becky’s right…hell yeah….never ever sell yourself short.

    • Thank you:)
      If my life was a movie I’d be the girl in the audience screaming at the sceen, wondering how I could be so stupid. But somehow in my head, when I’m living it, I can convincce myself ‘it’s complicated’ and ‘nothings ever really perfect’. I know, I know, so hypocritical…

      • journeyman1977 says:

        at some point we’re all there in that audience screaming and we’re all hypocrites…the asswipe who says they’ve never been hypocritical is an effing liar! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s