A Moment of Silence

The underlying hum of the fluorescent lights is the only sound in the room.It’s like all the air was sucked out of the room as we all stand there, our hands clasped tightly together, our eyes glued to the scuffed gymnasium floor.

I close my eyes and wait for the inner peace to come. Every Sunday, I close my eyes and wait for what they call The Holy Spirit to fill me. Every Sunday, I hope that maybe I’ll be able to convince myself this is all just a phase and then promptly feel the same glow in the pit of my stomach like I used to. Every Sunday, I don’t.

When I was little, I used to wonder how anyone could not believe in God. I never questioned the stories they told me, I let their words flow into me without hesitation. Now I wonder how anyone can believe. I find myself squinting at the hymnal, trying to decipher the words I used to understand.

Why can’t I believe? How does the faith my mother and brother and friends soak in simply wash over me?

There are so many things I don’t agree with in the christian faith, but all the same I’d like to be able to know God’s still there.

Every Sunday I wait, but every sunday I’m greeted with silence.

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About thesarahsector

A teenage girl who doesn't say OMG or LOL. I like Trader Joes scones, NYC, and writing. Check out my blog at: thesarahsector.wordpress.com
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5 Responses to A Moment of Silence

  1. journeyman1977 says:

    Sarah, I’m with you on a lot of what you say here. All the way. hell, I don’t even go to church cos I can’t stand the fools that inhabit the pulpits…but….big BUT….just because we don’t agree with these man made versions of our religion doesn’t mean that God’s not out there….To each his own I agree…but the Big Guy works in mysterious ways. Yesterday was a gut wrencher of a day for me. I had many like those….yet I know that there’s always a plan with the Big Guy….like Aaron Sele from the Mets with his mind boggling curve balls 🙂 we can’t ever anticipate or expect our prayers to be answered. But things work out in the end. Faith is a funny thing.

    • I agree with you; I think there has to be some kind of a god somewhere. There are a lot of things I disagree with in chrisitanity, but the one that probably gets me the most is the blind trust. Everything is ‘part of his plan’ and they say I just need to ‘put my life in his hands’. That’s just not me. If God tells me to go and kill someone, I’m not going to because it’s against my morals. At least for me, there has to be some kind of balance between my morals and God’s. Same thing if God tells me that I shouldn’t support my gay friends.
      I know I’m just some naive fifteen year old who comes off as a bit of an idealist, but maybe there’s some truth somewhere in here.

      • journeyman1977 says:

        there’s a lot of truth! and you ain’t naive….and God would never tell you to go kill someone or not stand by your gay friends 🙂 those are the so-called homo-sapien inspired bogus commands which you don’t have to pay attention to in the slightest. your heart is where God inhabits…be naive, be an idealist…that’s God making His presence felt through you.

  2. soselfindulgent says:

    Sarah, I had the exact same feeling as you as a teenager. I kept waiting and waiting to feel this “thing” that everyone around me was feeling, and I just didn’t. But I think things like faith and spirituality affect people in different ways, and for people like you and me, we don’t get this “glow.” I think it’s good to accept that you’re not going to get it, and continue on your journey to see what you believe. It could be that you believe all the same things those other people do, you just experience it differently.

    • That’s a good way of looking at it, I’ve never thought of it like that before. I agree, I think I need to just see what I beleive. If I’m forced into a relgion, I don’t think it’s the same as beleiving in it. Thanks for your comment:)

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